grim. your life would look grim.
i'm not theoretically answering the question or pushing rhetoric on it, your life after your death has a very high likelihood of looking grim. whether it be because of how you died, or because of what you'll be remembered for, life after death is very grim.
i've experienced this secondhand a variety of times, and most of it looks grim to me. i'm always scared to die, but theres always an urge to leave. an urge to leave behind everything and disappear for the rest of my life. being invisible in a way of sorts. acknowledging that this may be a sign of certain.. ideations.. is not really something i want to do. not because im actively planning something or feel out of my mind, but because death in itself is a beautiful concept.
death. leaving behind everything, and just.. having everything come to a halt. its beautiful in a way of sorts, because it shows the fragility of life. it shows how even the strongest of strengths and the most powerful of powers eventually all tumble down into the ground. in a way, having all of what you might be remembered for be used as a natural fertilizer of plants is somewhat beautiful, because at the end of the day, its the cycle of life. neverending, but always continuing across this continuum we call space and time.
despite the many ropes and many casings ive seen throughout my life, and the many tragedies of which i never expected for one to hit me, death is something that premature or not, is inevitable. whats the point of being scared to leave it all behind? at the end of the day, we're human beings. we cant stop the course of life or become a god, and even so, death is something to end all and let us rest. a world without any end is not a world to live in, no matter how much you'd want to justify it. maybe the true beauty in our life/lifetime is how death will affect us eventually. looking at it like a tragedy only makes things worse, but grimness is a reality from which we cannot evade.
maybe i should be less scared of death, and look at its intrinsic beauty. maybe then, i can find an answer to myself as to why ive turned to it, and why others have too.