hey! im in texas as we speak!!
its the first time a girl like me has ever gone to texas, or really anywhere out of new mexico or california (with the exception of the gambling city). its kinda scary cuz im not with my parents, and i kinda cried a little when i got on the shuttle to the airport qwq...
its kinda odd not gonna lie! it feels weird cuz im away from all my friends in a different state, but its kinda cool ngl!! i get to hang out with my two other friends from different cities, so its so cool that i can get to do that!!!
its very cool! but there are a few things im scared about..
texas is a very republican state,, like very republican,, i know in bigger cities its more liberal and free but,,, im still,,, so,, scared,,, i dress and look feminine irl,, and the fact that i have to cover that or fake that im not trans isnt very,, nice,,
theres also the fact that the event coordinator,, despite seeing that i was very feminine and had boobs,, put me with the boys!!,, im so scared bc im not sure if theyll be supportive or if theyre gonna bully me,, let alone do something to me,, i get that it was for other reasons (like to not weird out the girls or minimize the chance of something bad happening),, but in a way it alienates me from being a girl,, from being seen as a girl,, from being me and not a boy,,
ive always had these thoughts of,, i guess,, never fully ever being able to be a girl,, it just feels like i wont ever have the chance to flourish or actually be myself,, and actually,, just,, be me,, it kinda sucks that i have to do so much and so many procedures and still fall short of the mark and,, being a girl,,
whyd i have to be born amab? why couldnt i just,, i dont know, switch out a chromosone and be what i really want to be? why did my chromosone have to do a "little oopsie :3c" and doom me to be amab? i just,, i wanna be a girl,, what people see as a real girl,,, even with girls,, they dont see me the same way or treat me as different,,
i guess ill enjoy texas for now,, maybe soon enough everything falls into place :3c,,
i cant wait for the day i can stroll by a university like a girl with my skirt,, ill treasure that forever <3